Joshie Boy

The word on the street is that my heart throb Josh Groban is in town this evening. If only I was not so pathetically poor, I could afford a ticket to his earth-trembling, soul-moving performance. I have often said that I would someday marry this gorgeous, gorgeous man. Now is my chance to make all of my fantasies come true. It is written in the stars, for it is no coincidence that on this day I chose to wear quite the flattering sweater or that my unruly, unmanageable hair decided to fall just right. Since one cannot ignore fate, this evening I will be out in search of the perfect specimen of man, Joshie Boy himself.
No human being with any sort of mental capacity can deny the fact that Mr. Groban is the finest, hunkiest, sexiest man alive. His dashing good looks are not by far his only attractive quality. In my very near future, after the seduction that follows our encounter this evening, he will soon fall in love with me as I already am with him. I will spend the majority of my remaining life losing myself in his dark, mysterious eyes or trembling as he whispers sweet nothings in my ear. We will wed, and I will have his gorgeous children. He will sing me to sleep nightly after we eat bunches of grapes in the comfort of our luxurious home.
But what will I say to him to woo him off his feet?
"Hello there, my name is That Girl. Will you, by any chance, be willing to marry me?"
"I know we just met and all, but... did you want to commit the rest of your life to me?"
"Hey, so you must be this Josh Groban I keep hearing about. We should hang out sometime. You could come over to my place and we could... um... do stuff."
"Do you mind if I stare at you for the next hour or two? You could sing during this time if you wanted to."
"People always tell me that I look like that chic married to Josh Groban and I always have to inform them that you aren't even married. We could just do everyone a favor and stop the confusion..."