Get Out of my Head

Friday, July 14, 2006

toilet oomph and other yucky things

The amount of power the flush of a toilet has is a very precise science. Too little and certain large do-dos won't succeed in being properly flushed away. And we all know this is where we want these things... away. However, a toilet is also capable of having a little too much oomph. No person appreciates a flush that is so strong and swirling that it causes a spray of dirty toilet water. Actually, I've heard of toilets in Japan or someplace where the water splashes your bottom to cleanse it. But here in America, toilet water should never exit the rim. A tush moistened with this filth can ruin a gals day.

Dirty diapers. They're not exactly on anyone's list of favorite things. I didn't hear Julie Andrews singing about rain drops on roses and diapers in parking lots. And yet, as I stepped out of my car in the middle of the Shopko parking lot, I found myself face to face with an offensive soiled diaper. Why? Why was a dirty diaper in the parking lot? Who changes diapers on public pavement? With as warm as it's been lately, the heat off that blacktop is gonna make that baby one heck of a stink bomb.

Butt cracks on overweight men are generally unattractive and should be covered at all times in my opinion. The same goes with chunky and/or hairy backs. Unfortunately, plumbers are not the only offenders of showing off their crease. I've seen far too many motorcyclists with exposed skin for my liking. I understand (or hope) that it is not intentional. However, it seems that the wind can cause a t-shirt to rise, resulting in the over-exposure. And in my opinion, seeing such things while driving is much more dangerous. At least when it is a plumber and you're in your kitchen, as opposed to traveling 60 miles an hour, you don't run the risk of smashing into a tree. Yes, it may still be nauseating, but you have the opportunity to run to the bathroom and hurl. Of course you'll have to hope that the toilet doesn't have too much oomph, cuz that just wouldn't taste good. But then, your plumber will already be there to take care of it.

And that, my friends, is what we call "bringing it all together."

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home