f-bombs flying
I went to bed almost 3 hours ago.
As I lay awake, I get more and more pissed off with each passing minute.
At some point recently my "down in the dumps" turned into "resentment towards everything".
The past couple of days I've found myself having the strange urge to flip everything off. I felt the need to direct my middle finger at my homework, at my phone, at the thought of numerous individuals.
Have you ever been so angry it makes your head hurt?
Compassion. Where the hell did it go? Respect. Where are you dude? Honesty. Can you come here for a second? Morality. What the hell is morality?
I'm 20 years old and I'm sick of being the girl that gets walked all over and used.
I'm sick of being nice. I'm sick of being secondary. I'm sick of letting things happen.
I'm 20 years old and it's about time I get pissed off and put an end to this shit.
It's time to put myself first and stop caring about other people. My heart just died a little.
"Did I ever tell you about how I don't believe in love? Because I don't. I could go on for days but it would probably make everyone mad at me. My heart is made out of something odd... like playdoh, or rock, or polyester, or perhaps mud. Hell, it's probably horse shit."
My definition of love includes putting the other person first. I don't see that happening. I only see that with my parents. Don't f'ing lie to me.
I have not cried in approximately 1 year, 5 months, and 14 days. This fact and everything it includes and everything it implys ironically makes me want to cry, but of course I will not allow myself to do so.
I'm gonna bet this isn't healthy.
Ever notice how everybody bitches and complains about people doing this and people doing that, but of course it's okay when they do it. A little hypocritical don't ya think? It's especially fun to witness when they make the same exact offense literally thirty seconds after their little rant.
I'm gonna crawl back into bed, flip off the ceiling (with both hands), and attempt to get some sleep.
As I lay awake, I get more and more pissed off with each passing minute.
At some point recently my "down in the dumps" turned into "resentment towards everything".
The past couple of days I've found myself having the strange urge to flip everything off. I felt the need to direct my middle finger at my homework, at my phone, at the thought of numerous individuals.
Have you ever been so angry it makes your head hurt?
Compassion. Where the hell did it go? Respect. Where are you dude? Honesty. Can you come here for a second? Morality. What the hell is morality?
I'm 20 years old and I'm sick of being the girl that gets walked all over and used.
I'm sick of being nice. I'm sick of being secondary. I'm sick of letting things happen.
I'm 20 years old and it's about time I get pissed off and put an end to this shit.
It's time to put myself first and stop caring about other people. My heart just died a little.
"Did I ever tell you about how I don't believe in love? Because I don't. I could go on for days but it would probably make everyone mad at me. My heart is made out of something odd... like playdoh, or rock, or polyester, or perhaps mud. Hell, it's probably horse shit."
My definition of love includes putting the other person first. I don't see that happening. I only see that with my parents. Don't f'ing lie to me.
I have not cried in approximately 1 year, 5 months, and 14 days. This fact and everything it includes and everything it implys ironically makes me want to cry, but of course I will not allow myself to do so.
I'm gonna bet this isn't healthy.
Ever notice how everybody bitches and complains about people doing this and people doing that, but of course it's okay when they do it. A little hypocritical don't ya think? It's especially fun to witness when they make the same exact offense literally thirty seconds after their little rant.
I'm gonna crawl back into bed, flip off the ceiling (with both hands), and attempt to get some sleep.
posted by that girl at
12:51 AM
2 Comments:
i feel exactly the same... maybe it does not really help too much telling you not to give up and make a change by spending more time taking care of you, but i do think is the right thing to do... well, sorry if my English is not very good, i hope you understand what i mean :-)
By
Anonymous, at 3/09/2006 2:26 PM
thanks laura. I think you're right. I do need to spend more time taking care of myself and I need to stick up for myself and what I believe and want instead of giving in to other people. I'm working on it...
By
that girl, at 3/11/2006 2:52 PM
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