berlin

I've been thinking a lot lately about a certain time in my life and the way it undoubtedly shaped who I am today. I can mull over things endlessly, searching for answers, reliving horrors, questioning reality, and debating whether things were ever as I conceived them. I've survived any hardships I've had to endure and there's no doubt I'm a stronger person for it, and yet the things that terrified me back then still cause me to tremble with fear.
Sometimes, the more I think about it, the more I can't help but find resentment. I have a hard time looking people in the face sometimes, like they'll be able to see it in my eyes. When confronted by certain things I dodge the topic or react in a way that would be accepted as normal. I don't want to be defined by this. I don't really even know why these things keep cropping up in my mind. How can one brief period in my past play such a large role in my present?
I used to hide in my closet when I was little. It was my way of shutting out the world. My closet here isn't fit for hiding.

"Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."
I think my walls actually are built to keep people out.