Tulip Arse

Let's face it, the area of the human body upon which one sits is not a pleasant thing. There is not much a person can do about this. Some, however, have tried.
I personally do not find shopping for toilet paper an enjoyable activity. However, it must be done in order to keep the posterior area as hygienic as possible. My roommate and I prefer Charmin, for who can live without the ripples? Now I will not hold such a frivolous matter against her, but I believe my roommate has made a terrible mistake in judgment with her last TP purchase. She returned with scented toilet paper. The tush does not naturally smell pleasant, nor does it emit extremely foul smells during the majority of the day. The tush also does not naturally smell of wildflowers. Why would we wish for such things? If I wanted my bum to reek of flowers, I would pick some daisies and wipe with them like a caveman.
If we are hell bent on making society's fanny smell better, why not a scent I may actually enjoy? Not that flower's aren't pretty and all, but I'd much rather a guy bought me a cheeseburger. I also like candy. If they've done wildflowers, perhaps lollipop scented butt wipes are not too unreasonable. Although I realize this may induce licking, a major problem. Maybe the key is to make it a natural smell, like foot stench. That way you could rid yourself of any remaining bathroom smells, without stinking of dandelions. Instead of "you smell like ass" or "why the hell does your rear smell like my grandma's potpourri?", you'll hear "man, change your socks or something". I think that would be far superior.