hypocrite

I am ashamed of myself.
I never understood the urge to smoke a cigarette. I've always found the habit rather disgusting and unattractive. After all, the dangers of smoking are common knowledge. Why anyone would subject themselves to an addiction that is both disgusting and unhealthy has always been a mystery to me. I often urge my friends that smoke to drop the habit. Drop it like it's hot. However, I remain unsuccessful in convincing them to not light up. Therefore, I respect their right to smoke with a friendly reminder now and then.
Then one day over the summer while I was suffering through a long night at the factory, I had the bizarre urge to have a lit cigarette in my hand. The strange desire has returned occasionally, usually during overwhelming moments of stress. Then, the urge turned into reality. I decided that I needed to experience the disgusting act first hand to get the craving out of my system. I smoked a cigarette. Actually, I've smoked four cigarettes. No one knows of this, not even my best friend. She would not approve of such things, just as I would not approve of her doing such things.
I went to see a nurse the other day for unrelated reasons. Needing to fill out the routine questions on my paperwork, she asked about allergies, when my last menstrual cycle began, and whether or not I smoked. Naturally, I replied "no". To this she continued, "Good, and don't you even think about it." I was silently horrified.
This secret is just between you and me.