What's Up with THAT?

I visited a local dollar store recently to purchase a broom and whatever else struck my fancy. As I strolled the aisles, I was appalled at what I saw. I have always understood a dollar store to be a place where every item sold was one dollar, or perhaps 2 for a dollar. This is how we roll in my neck of the woods anyway. However, here it seems that you can sell things for 3, 7, even 10 dollars and still stamp the misleading "Dollar Store" sign on your store. Outrageous, I say. Outrageous!

I am poor. I cannot afford food. Therefore, on a recent hunger-wave, I resorted to the ramen noodles that I've kept for emergency reasons. Don't get me wrong. Ramen noodles are pretty good, but after living in the dorm last year, I have grown weary of their consumption. Anyway, as I cooked the packet up, I noticed a small bug floating around in there. "Hey buddy, that's my soup." Being so hungry that I was taking on disgusting actions, I fished the sucker out and continued to stir the noodles. Then I saw another one, and another, and another. At this point they went down the disposal and the remainder of the packets in my closet got dumped in the trash. What does a girl gotta do to get some food?
But don't blame the ramen noodle company. I think those babies were pretty old...

Hunger is not the only thing that has done me in. The other day I was thirsty, parched even. I went to purchase a bottled beverage and surveyed my choices. Having never tried it before, I decided to go with the Coke with lime. It sounds like a hit idea, my roommate seems to like it, and that commercial was pretty clever, but have you ever tried this stuff? After the first gulp I was like, "whoa, that's weird and kinda nasty" and yet there was a strangely familiar taste to it. I continued to drink it only to figure out what it tasted like. After roughly half of the bottle had made its way down my throat, I figured it out. Eureka, it tastes like some sort of multipurpose cleaning product. So that's how this stuff was invented. They were cleaning out the vats over at the Coke plant and accidentally mixed the cleaner with the Coke. Rather than take the loss and dispose of the tainted beverage, they marketed it to fools like the American public. Brilliantly done.