confession

I just want to hide, escape everything that has happened. Yesterday everything was normal in my world. I was grumpy, but other than that my day was event-free. I didn't sleep very well because everything was running over and over in my mind. Then I woke up at about 2 to discover that everything had changed. Everything is different now. He did it. Why did he have to go and do that? I understand that he had to do it for himself and I'm not mad in any way. It's just that this complicates things in my life. It scares me. I hate that. Life is so much simpler when it's boring. He sent me a long email explaining everything that he was feeling, including his confession of his feelings for me. I guess I already knew in a way, but was denying it because I didn't want to have to face it. Now I don't even know what to think. I don't know what to say to him. I told him that I was gonna go for a run or something and shower and clear the thoughts in my own head. Now, I'm sitting here cold and wet without having solved a thing. I'm shivering, but I don't think it has anything to do with that. I just don't want to hurt him. I think I probably already have on numerous occasions without even knowing it. I hate myself for being so naive to what's going on around me sometimes. I do care about him, a lot. That is what is making this so hard. It's just that I don't know that I could look at him like that. He's been more like a best friend or a brother to me, which is saying a lot. I don't want to lose him. I don't know that I'm even looking forward to Thanksgiving as much any more. I will inevitably see him, and everyone else. It's not that I don't want to see him... It's just that I don't want things to be all weird and awkward.
He told me a bunch of other stuff too. All of which I can relate to. In fact, I was sitting up half the night thinking about all the junk that has been building up in my mind for so long. I don't even know how to express what I was feeling, what I still am feeling. Then his email heightened a lot of these feelings. It put it all into words for me to read and repeat over and over in my head. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused.
I just want to crawl back into my bed and never come out. I just want to curl up in my blanket and pretend that it's someone's comforting arms holding me tight.