just one of those things you can always count on mom for

having kleenex in her purse for you

Don't Call Me...

Katie.

It's not my name. My driver's license can prove that if you don't believe me.
My name is Kate. You calling me Katie is like me calling you Alfred. I'm pretty sure your name is not Alfred, so you can see how ridiculous this is. (and if your name is Alfred... well.. then hi, my name is Kate and I'd like to be your friend)
Ya see, only certain people are allowed to call me Katie. Very few people are on this list. If you have any doubt as to whether or not you are on it, then simply assume you are not.
It's not even as if it's saving time or energy to say Katie instead of Kate. This isn't like calling someone Al, short for Alfred. You're adding a syllable here people. So minimize your work and minimize my hatred for you by just calling me by my name.
Also, if you think it would be funny to now constantly call me Katie just because you know it annoys the hell out of me... well, you'd be wrong, just like you're wrong to think it funny to poke me knowing I hate to be poked.

thanks

toasty

Dang good thing I get paid on Friday, cuz yesterday I blew a load on stuff for school. I still need a bunch of other junk, but yesterday was a good start. Does it make me a geek if I'm crazy excited about my new toaster? Four slices, baby. Bamb! I also got a coffee maker. Only grown-ups buy coffee makers. I'm the master of the bargain too. I got the toaster, coffee maker, and a pretty nice comforter for under 40 bucks. Other, less expertised fools could have spent over 160 dolla. Other purchases included a full length mirror, undies, garbage can, towel hanger, yada, yada, yiddity. And ice cube trays. Margariiiiita! I mean snow cones.

stuck in the past, along with the dress that got me there

[editor's note: The following is a mix of truth and fictional writing, both of which result from my immense, anxiousness-causing boredom. You pick which is which.]

It all started with that picture.
I look good in that picture. Correction: We look good in that picture. Correction: We looked good in that picture. Yes, that's it. That was all a long time ago. Years ago. Schools ago. Pounds ago. I wonder if I'd still fit into that dress. I think it's upstairs, in the back of the closet somewhere.
I was right.
And now, 20 minutes later, with glitter decorating the floor and speckling my skin, deodarant stains along the slim black material, and my naked body motionless in the middle of the room, I stand defeated. There had been no one there to pull the dress down over my body, no one there to pull it back over my head. There had been no one there. There was only me, squirming and wriggling, pulling and squeezing, panting and bending. There had been only me. Only me doing it all again, this time in reverse, with just as much difficulty as the first round.
So perhaps things are different now. Perhaps I can't fit into that dress properly anymore. Perhaps we aren't what we used to be. Perhaps we never were. I don't know why I still care. Being stuck in the past is far more dangerous than being stuck in a dress.

penny dish abuse

Take a Penny, Share a Penny

Do not take 27 pennies.

*I think there is an unwritten ethical limit to the number of pennies a person should take from a penny dish at any one time. Ya see, a penny dish is a convenience for when you're a cent or two short or bring your change to a nicer amount. For instance, if you change is going to be 24 cents (requiring 6 coins), stealing one penny can bring that to 25 cents (merely one coin). Now back to that limit I speak of. I'd say the limit should be three pennies. I'll save you the math of it. Believe me, it's a good, sound limit.
*Unfortunately for meager penny dishes everywhere and those in need of it afterwards, people with no share-a-penny-take-a-penny morals are abusing this public pocket of change. I'd say counting over 10 cents out of the dish is simpy shameful. Shameful. In exception, of course, of the chance occation that some generous person has placed silver change in the dish.
*A few extra cents to spend or a few extra coins in your pocket aren't gonna kill ya, but you taking over your deserving amount of pennies from the dish just might kill me.